Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Journey


I went to a church the other day. I'm not sure it was technically a church, I'll have to look at their literature and see how they define themselves. But it was in a building that was shaped like a church, their was an order of service, and the focus was spirituality.

I'll give you the Coles Notes version of why I went. Having grown up in a home where religion was a battleground and people staked their systems deeply and unyieldingly, I withdrew from anything that smacked remotely of ritual, god, and rules.

But there is a gaping void that needs to be filled, for sure. And gaping is not an exaggeration. I finished Eat, Love, Pray, the other day, and at the risk of putting too much of myself out there, I really identified with certain facets. Not the not having children part, that I simply don't understand, but rather the yawning search for something. For context, for meaning.

SIDEBAR:


*On the not having children thing; I really just don't get that. I
don't get it. I'm trying really hard, recognizing that not all people should
have children, but I don't really understand people who choose not to. Even as I
write that I want to strike it out, so harsh and judgemental. Somehow I'm going
to have to work through this...animosity is too strong....inability to
understand. There. That describes. I'm going to have to work through my
inability to understand.
Why does it matter to me? Why do I care? I
know that since I was small I like people to see it my way. I know, I know,
everyone does. But somehow I seem to have a corner office on the tenth floor of
"my way or the highway," and maybe people who say that they don't want children,
or the ultimate, 'I'm too selfish to have children,' really get my goat. Maybe
I'll have to practice a mantra (here we go again - do we practice a mantra? do a
mantra? speak a mantra? it's like you're watching me stumble my way through the
English language over here) on how to let this go. Let me work on it and I'll
get back to you.


Whew. I forgot even what I was talking about.

Oh, yes, the church/notchurch on Sunday. It's Unitarian, and I think the fundamental belief is that there is no "one way," no "only way," it all leads to the same place/idea/whatever at the finish line, and a good heart takes you there. I'm pretty sure they have a much more succinct and possibly relevant description, but I left it at home. Look it up if you need more info.

The service this Sunday was on Yoga as Spirituality, which when I saw it listed in the paper was like a really sharp jab in the ribs, someone Higher Up saying "okay, you've been looking for a sign, couldn't make it much more clear than that, other than to have a big black arrow pointing to it". So I trucked on over to this little church in a pretty part of town, and along with some obviously sensitive intellectuals, Cathedral hippie types, and the occasional crazy, listened to a lovely and inspired woman inspire me.

I'm not sure this is the final destination on the spiritual train journey, I might have to board at another stop, I'm thinking the Hindu temple (although I must clarify that a person can practice Hinduism and keep eating meat, I don't think I can go back to cooking separate meals again and I've been spoiled by my perennial favourite flavouring, Bacon).

It's getting closer. I know it. This is all leading somewhere. And you know what? I'm actually enjoying the journey, which is something new for me.

3 comments:

Jen said...

I've been so wanting to try out the unitarian church but didn't really know what I'd be stepping in to. You've prompted me to look into that again.

spinregina said...

it's an interesting place/concept, the unitarian way...I just like the all-inclusiveness and the open and respectful examination of different ways...

lotusloq said...

It's amazing where our spiritual journeys will take us. I rely heavily on my faith and am grateful for it.