Tuesday, November 11, 2008


"I love my child but I never want to lose my identity as I only have one life to live and it is not hers."


The above is taken from a comment on a post yesterday. You know when you see a cartoon and the little balloon above a character's head says ka-pow? Yeah, that's how I felt.

At the risk of getting all Bon Jovi on you, it's my life!

I'll keep this short and sweet. We've been down this road before.

I had no intentions of diving back into this subject where I seem to get lost and wallow for posts on end, I'm sure to the ambivalence and possible annoyance of childfree readers, but this sucked me back in. Wholly and completely.

(is it echoing through your head? the refrain?
and it's now or ne-vah...)

I get mixed up, worrying that if I don't devote all my Time and Energy to the two small people sounding sleeping upstairs that I am a bad parent. I felt angst and torment when I worked when Stella was small and now that I work from home I feel guilt when I work and not care give.

But I've been moving closer and I think I finally figured out (with my head, maybe not my heart just yet) that it's okay to tell your kids to read a book on their own or play for a while while mum works. I don't need to hold their hands, playing Barbies or doing intricate crafts (ha, that's a laugh. I don't even do simple crafts) all day long. It's okay to still do the things I like/need/want to do.

It's my life...


Jen said...

I saw that comment in your comments as well and just loved it. Great reminder.

lotusloq said...

We definitely have to have our own identity and nourish it. I feel like I have nothing to give my children if I don't fill myself up with the things I love.

I want them to be able to relish the things they love too. I try to set that as an example. I'm not always successful, but who is?

I don't think we fail them by letting them (or forcing them) to do things on their own. I think we help them be independent.

Anonymous said...

It's hard for women who are mothers to have that separate identity but important to do so, for the woman as well as the children. Well said by the original commenter, and then by the post. Kee p up all the deep thinking! ts

D.D. Scott said...

Although I have no children of my own, I have a niece and three nephews who have permanent residences in my heart. *Note: they say they're in the form of big city studio lofts because they like the apartments and townhomes in my books...LOL!!!

I've found it most interesting how vested they are in my career aspirations. They are so proud of Aunt D. D. for writing her crazy romance stories and even send me ideas as they think of them.

They love to work with me in my office and get a kick out of helping me "edit" my pages...and trust me, they find some great stuff I missed.

I've learned from them that it empowers children to be a part of your work and greatly satisfies them to be vital links in the journey toward making your dreams become reality.

Sexy, Sassy, Smart Wishes --- D. D. Scott

P.S. Thank you for your fabulous comments about my writing, website and blog. I'm enjoying your work as well.

Anonymous said...

I wrote the line and understand how hard it is to do. My mom taught me how to seperate the two lives. One as mother and the other as me (wife, friend, careerwoman). She was the biggest influence on my life. She had her own career and life(outside of me) and had found the right balance for it and being my mom. When she passed away I realized she didn't just influence my life but so many others. I learned to be independent and a strong woman growing up just like her. I knew she was there for me when I needed her and she taught me the life skills and morals I have today. I want the same for my daughter and to know that when I am gone she to will be ok and live her life as her own just like my mom did and I try. That is what made us have the most amazing mother - daughter relationship. One that I dream of having with my daughter.

spinregina said...

anonymous who wrote, please accept my heartfelt condolences on your mother's passing...I am sure that it is hard and I can't imagine. thank-you so much for sharing your thoughts...you have amazing perspective and a lovely way of putting things. thank-you.