Monday, January 05, 2009

Kanye West vs. money

I am such a loser.

I spend my time repeating mantras in my head. The dominant theme recently appears as a running dialogue, something akin to "I need to make some more money I really don't want to go on a budget god I love that new Kanye West song I need to make some more money I want new jeans Kanye West RULES I need moneymoneymoney" whilst whenever I go to yoga or focus, dammit the refrain is like "ah, just relax. Abundance is all around [moneyineedmoneymoneymoney] I am thankful for abundance I am grateful for ab[moneymoneymoney]bundance in my life I anticipate [moneymoney] the abundance that is yet to come.

Sense a reoccurring theme here?

Although definitely not as intriguing as the comma dilemma, I fear that my weak mind is just not strong enough to stave off the insanity of the recession or depression or whatever we want to call it. I do my best, immersing my tiny brain in reality TV and organizing the playroom but the pesky thing seems to have a mind of its own, beating me down.

Renovations, fun as they are, (*said with dripping sarcasm so much so that I just had to wipe off the keyboard), cost so much more than just the tears of pain cried when yet another contractor drops off the face of the planet to smoke crack. Let me be more clear, in case you missed that. He was smoking crack the whole time, it was only near the end that he decided to smoke it in such copious amounts that even I, the least cool person on the planet, became hip to his ways, and it was then that he dropped off the face of the planet but only after we gave him eight hundred dollars to do so.

It was at this point that I momentarily lost my ability to trust anyone, including him, which is funny because I had trusted this person immensely for weeks and weeks, functioning as his own personal Bank Machine, and it was only when he came with an obvious abscessed tooth that I showed wild signs of realizing that we had been Had. After I nearly accused him of stuffing his mouth full of cotton to mimic signs of tooth decay I, of course, regained my senses and gave him three hundred dollars. Thank-god I learned to trust again, I hold that moment close to my heart, because I am positive he didn't smoke it. Positive.

As my more powerful dumb side reads every miserable news article on the tanking economy and sees all the lunatics preaching Armageddon puff up their bony ribcages with righteous indignation and build more powerful websites for all the crackpots out there to peruse as they search for the plethora of supporters calling this the end of the world, reason and hope persist, weakly, but persist they do. "Breathe...what will be will be," and up speaks fear, "um, yeah, and what will be will be you, living in your crawlspace wishing you didn't just yank out the wood burning fireplace. Best get some bottled water, missy, for the end of the world as we know it is nigh."


I had best ensure that copious yoga ensues so that fragile brain stays intact.


lotusgirl said...

Holy crap! (and you know me. That's a serious expletive on my part.) What you have been through! I wish I had some construction connections up there. I'd totally hook you up. Crack! I would have never seen the signs either. I'm just grateful I know some honest construction guys. (They go to church with me, so...)

Have you tried talking to a realtor. Not to sell, but I swear they know a lot of good construction/reno people because people are always trying to spruce up before they sell. We've usually had good luck with the people they recommend. Since the housing market is in a bit of a slump some of their regular people might have openings. Just a thought.

flashmom said...

omigod you are so funny. I hope things will get better but i almost hope they dont' so that you can still be funny like this

Lady Glamis said...

I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you. Chalk it up to experience, I guess?

I can't help you out like Lois up there can, but let me know if you need to vent. I always have an open ear. :)

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