Wednesday, March 04, 2009

there she goes (again)


I've got one losing teeth and one gaining.

It's totally slowdown warp speed again. Where things are changing. When babies aren't babies and kids are in kindergarten it's all shuffling around and I'm not sure how it will all play out.

The weird thing about parenting. Let me start that over. One of the very many weird things about parenting is that you really are the same person you were when you started. This is nothing new, this insight, nothing earthshattering or breathtaking or anything like that. No, it's that very common realization that I have not changed much at all since I had my children. I still am insecure, silly, and think I'm a better dancer than I am. I still say the wrong thing, wish I had more clothes, and love to read. I still procrastinate, delegate, and love to debate. Anything. I still am me at the core.

If I thought of having children I think I assumed that once you had them you got a free ticket; a golden pass to being smart. Getting stuff. This shows an enormous lack of awareness, I mean, just look around at how many parents so obviously don't get it. But I for sure thought that all of the bad stuff, the unanswered questions, the worries and insecurities, that would all go away and a deep sense of peace would descend and I would be Sure.

Ha.

So now one is nearly toothed and the other nearly toothless and it's not coming together and I think I have a glimpse, a glimmer, that this is how it goes and that is okay.

Peace out.

No comments: