Monday, July 25, 2011
Boom boom pow
Life is good, you know? And then there are the momentary recalibrations; the ones where something enormous really does happen, like an accident or catastrophic relationship meltdown. But there's something else that can happen, where it's as though someone picked up your world, gave it a really good, strong, quick shake, and set it back down. Everything is the same, but different.
That happened this weekend. We were walking around the lake. Correction, kid's dad and I were walking around the lake, smallest kid in jogger and bigger kids on bikes. And we were walking and talking and above all, enjoying. Dreaming, planning, you know - the things you do on a day where there's no major stuff to discuss and instead you can just talk.
And we walked by an elderly couple. I noticed them because they were walking slowly, carefully. I assume they live in the crescents, quite nearby, because of the direction they came from as well as the fact that I think it was quite a chore for the man to walk. His wife had his arm, and they walked together, not talking, just concentrating. I could tell that she was more together than he; perhaps he is sick, or his mind is starting to fade. They were both tall and thin, and wore clothes from the same colour palette. I imagine she chooses his clothing at the store and selects his outfits.
And it was like a staggering bolt of lightening, when I realized that (god willing), that will be Jade and I someday. Old, and fading. And the gamut of emotions that ripped through me were intense and thorough in the wake they left behind. From hope, that all goes well and we are blessed to walk around a lake when we're old and grey. That it isn't just one of us, alone with memories. Fear, that someone's mind will be gone. Although I can't imagine it for us, I've seen it happen and dread it.
The biggest realization, the boom-boom-pow in all this, though, was the surety, the actuality, that this, too will pass. We won't have girls on bikes, begging for ice cream and 'daddy give me a push.' We won't have sure feet and strong hearts forever. We won't necessarily have each other.
I think this is what they (I do love 'they,' so incredibly helpful) call a mid-life crisis. And while I got it in theory before, I get it in full-on, living it context now. I'm now nearly at a mid-way point, and I need to grow a new mantra. One of thankfulness, for every single precious moment I have.
I think that might be the first time I've used the word precious? Not typically a fan, but seems the only one that will do today.