Monday, January 14, 2013

I love my baby, but.

I am applying to do a Master's in Creative Writing and I need to build a portfolio. I need two genres to apply; meaning, I need two different types of writing to put in my portfolio. Obviously the easy one for me will be fiction, as that's the whole point. I'm not a poet nor do I write screenplays, so I decided that the blog will have to serve as secondary genre. Also it's good writing practice and easy to do.

Easy, of course, if I'm not trying to work on it with a 2 year old climbing all over me.

We've been up now, on a Saturday, since about quarter after seven. Just fine with me, the others are still sleeping and it's quiet, while she eats toast and I read the paper. Not quite luxury, but most mornings are rushed, getting people fed, clothed, and out the door for school. So this is nice.

I figure, no time but the present, so I grab my laptop and start examining the blog. I wrote a first post in a while yesterday, tweaked it till it was okay and posted. It's been a long time and while I'm always a bit nervous committing posts to the world, this was perhaps more so simply because it's been so long. But I liked it, felt good about a few of the sentences, and was generally pleased.

Somehow I'd had two drafts of it and so I wanted to delete the extra. Apparently I had already done that, and so with my little friend climbing on my back I inadvertently deleted the original. The only. And once it asks if you're sure, and I said yes, that's it. There is no going back.

So it's gone. A couple of hours of work, a lot of general thinking, an entire thought basically washed down the drain.

I'm not the sort that can do re-dos of writing. What tumbled out easily becomes stilted. I can never match the fluidity or the thought process. So I can't try again, I can't tell you why I can't watch the Walking Dead, my fears of dementia and Walking Dead thoughts overtaking me in old age. I can't explain again how it all fits together.

But I thought given how mad I was when I deleted the post, how my first reaction was seriously, I just finally started again and now this? was that I'd better quickly get something, anything, written.

There. Done. Anything has been written.

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