Friday, July 25, 2014

In the weeds

And then there's the weeding out. What would allow me to feel so incredibly fulfilled that I don't allow in the excess? Do I know? I think I know part of the answer, but only part. Or, if I know the whole answer it comes in snatches, not completely.

What I'm talking about, mostly, is the social. I'm naturally pretty social, what one would call an extrovert. I crave and love people and new experiences and busy. Which isn't to say I don't crave and love quiet, and calm, and solitude. For sure I want those things, most definitely. But I for sure and most definitely also love to be with people.

However.

Do I fill my time and use my energy on people I don't need to be around or people who don't make me feel like a better person? I suppose the easy answer is if I ask that question ..........

But (and this is where I have to think), it's more complex than simple. In that, I am the caregiver for three lovely ladies, all of whom have separate social circles and friends and it is my responsibility to provide experiences for them. And quite often, that means I'm the one hosting the event or seeing the parent or whatever, in order to provide the social experience for my girls.

Maybe it doesn't need to be so difficult. Maybe I don't need to feel as though I have to give all of my energy to someone. Maybe the fact that it's usually the busiest in the summer should suffice to make it bearable. Maybe I need to be more clear about my parameters, about the things I care about and the things that offend me.

Maybe this is a good thing to mull over for a while.

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