Monday, September 08, 2014
(this actually happened Friday)
So I'm sitting there with girlfriend, having girlfriend chat and thinking how happy I am it is Friday, and we made it through the first week of school and I didn't forget to pack anyone lunch and the whole issue of no friends in class seems to be receding and life is good.
And then there is a wasp and it's sort of hovering over my friend and the coffee cups on the table and I actually think to myself thank god it isn't attacking me and then IT IS ATTACKING ME and I do what I tell my kids, when wasps are bugging them, which is calm the fuck down, exactly, and I do my best to calm the fuck down except it starts embedding myself in my hair which causes me to stand up and start doing the exact opposite of what I tell my kids. Which is freak the fuck out.
I am yelping (there really is no other way to describe it. I was yelping). And shaking my head kind of twitchy, trying to get it off but I also didn't want to upset it and so I'd give this little shake hard enough that now, later, my neck is sore. My poor friend got up and said in her commanding voice she uses with children and perhaps the infirm, come, come outside, but I just couldn't go outside where there might be more wasps. So I yelped and jumped and she got the wasp off, somehow, and magically one of those super cute identical twins drowned it in a coffee cup.
And so we had our coffee and our visit and I forgot all about the wasp and then these two really lovely ladies who had also been having their coffee stopped by on their way out to tell us that they were glad it was a wasp. They thought I was having some weird kind of fit or seizure and were concerned I needed medical attention.
Sigh. Happy Friday.