The character I see myself as is Mindy, from the Mindy Project. Interesting, that it is exactly right, in the sense that I don't actually want to be a doctor. No, I would prefer to play one on TV. That way, I get the great wardrobe that comes with the big salary, the quintessential New York apartment furnished in the perfect eclectic style. And I would play a role that simply commands respect without actually having to pass what I assume are killer exams and without having to actually put my hands inside of people or look at their secret rash or find out if placebos are legal.
I would be Mindy in her Tory Burch and endless supply of Chanel handbags, with her perfectly styled thick hair. Interestingly, I'm pleased with myself for not choosing for my second life fantasies a rail thin, six foot tall platinum blond beauty, although I'm less convinced this is due to a high level not wanting of that particular persona and a straight up reality check that my brain performed without letting me know. Good on ya, brain, if that's the case.
Maybe my brain is getting smarter than my self and figuring out ways to work around things. My physio last week showed me an optical illusion that allowed me to trick my brain into thinking that my good leg was actually my not-as-good leg, so that I saw, I really saw, my work in progress leg working smoothly and perfectly and, key item, with great strength. This was instrumental in then using my leg that needs a little coaching as though it worked perfectly. It was amazing. Perhaps my high level brain took this approach and is now running interference before I even know it, deleting or massaging things before they even get to me.
Perhaps, and perhaps not. If I have any power to request, which goes against the whole me not being aware thing, but if I do, perhaps I could run interference on the self sabotage, the voice that runs a
constant commentary of everything I do/wear/eat/think/plan/not plan, if that voice could tone it down a bit. Much appreciated.
*apparently, I really feel hard done by, today when my daughter's teacher said she would make an excellent lawyer I felt pride tinged by slight jealousy....nice....jealous of a 12 year old.
**I ordered that sweater after googling to find out what brand it was. Love it.